The journey to self care has been an evolving one for me. I feel I learn at least one new way to better to myself every week, sometimes every day. Here’s a glimpse of where I was in 2017. No matter where I am, these are the five practices that keep on coming up for me consistently and have been my tried and true self care methods. They totally shift your mindset and change your internal narrative.

TAKE A Rest DaY…OR DAYS

If you are living/working in NY, you probably need a consecutive block of these at this point! It’s taken a while for me to get here, probably because I’m a native NY’er, but I have learned to embrace rest days and NOT feel guilty about taking them (the latter being the most important part for me because I need to decondition myself from “needing” to be doing something).

It was a really tough transition when I moved back to NY a few years ago. I started feeling the NY “can’t stop won’t stop” energy even though at this point, everyone was working from home. The vibe in Paris is much more relaxed and the way we live here is totally half a** backwards from how we should be living life IMHO. People in the US truly live to work, while other countries work to live. If you don’t believe me, go anywhere in Europe—there is a work/life balance that exists there that does not exist here.

When I was working in corporate, I was one of those people who felt bad calling in sick. If there was a perfect attendance award, I think I would have gotten it. Towards the latter part of my corporate career, I noticed how work had taken a toll on me, both physically and mentally. I remember calling out for my first ever mental health day and saying I had the stomach flu because my boss would have laughed and have probably dragged me in. Today mental health is a priority at most (or at least good) companies, so when you need the day, take it. Even now that I work for myself, I take my rest days when I need them. I’ve learned that those days I force myself to work on a project and I’m not 100%, I end up having to redo it. When you aren’t feeling it, that is your body’s way of telling you to pause, SO PAUSE!

I specifically talk about work, but taking a rest day applies to all facets of our life—work, people, workouts, social media, etc. The list goes on, but you get it. We need rest to recharge to be the best versions of ourselves . If we cannot show up for ourselves, how can we show up for others?

Pro-Tip: There are probably instances where you cannot take the rest day on the day you need it. If it is completely impossible, do a morning stretch, meditation or yoga before starting your day. Make sure to treat yourself when your day is over to whatever makes you feel good and puts you in your happy place. And REMEMBER to take that rest day the day after or just turn it into a full blown long weekend!

Be Kind

This one can be challenging at times because we all have our own stuff going on and sometimes it is hard to put others first. Also, we tend to be little more reactive and choose anger vs kindness because of stress or underlying factors. Giving people grace is something I have put into practice more frequently. The truth is, you never know what kind of day another person is having and what they are dealing with in their own lives; we are all just a small part of each others day and 99% of the time their foul mood and attitude has nothing to do with you. A book I read a couple of years ago, The Four Agreements, is a good launchpad into getting into the practice of taking a step back and putting everything into perspective.

REMEMBER—Giving grace is not just for others, but also for ourselves. We are our own worst critics and tend to be harder on ourselves than others. We strive for perfection or have certain expectations, but sometimes that constant want for control can give us negative emotions and leads to a downward spiral on self worth. When these moments occur, just take a step back, BREATHE, and start thinking about the things you are grateful for in your life. A book on how to manage expectations is Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu. Met her a couple of yers ago and bought her book. Truly one of the most insightful and entertaining reads out there.

Pro-Tip: Start a gratitude journal and write three things you are grateful for every morning; feel free to update it as your day progresses.

MOVE YOUR BODY

This always gets me to my happy place even on days when I’m BEYOND lethargic. Anytime you are in a funk, whether it be a mental block, a bad mood, a sad mood, ANYTHING, just move your body. Sometimes I just go for a walk, or a short jog, or jog/walk. It is amazing that something so simple can change your mood or perspective. Taking these much needed breaks usually gives me inspiration on something I’m working on or a new idea I want to explore. Other days, I will ride my exercise bike for 20 minutes, then do a whole workout routine just because I start feeling better than when I got on. Just remember, this doesn’t need to to be a full blown workout as long as you move—sometimes I even just have a dance/karaoke party with myself when the mood arises—I can’t sing to save my life, but I find it beyond therapeutic!

Pro-Tip: Stretch EVERY. DAMN. DAY. This is something I always do post-workout, but have also now incorporated into my daily routine. It has been a game changer. I do it in the morning especially if I have a heavy day or a big/talk or presentation—it totally calms the nerves. And I do it in the middle of the day or evening when I have been at my computer too long. Try Ben Alldis’ 10 minute full body stretches on Peloton for free—they are truly the best.

Protect your energy

This is one I go to A LOT these days. I’ve been doing a lot of meditation practices lately and have gotten more in tune with myself and my mind, so am sensitive to my own energy and the energies around me whether it be in person, or over text.

Protecting your energy can be something so simple like not picking up your phone, checking texts or opening an email. Let’s face it, you know there are people who sometimes trigger you and take you into a negative headspace. Have those interactions on YOUR OWN TIME, when you are ready to. You shouldn’t be available to everyone all the time. I personally don’t check messages the moment I wake up and keep the morning for me. How you start your morning sets the tone for the rest of your day—don’t let somebody’s whack energy intrude your space.

Another way I protect my space is to unfollow or mute people on instagram. Some of the accounts on there are mindless and toxic to your mental health, so don’t let that negativity in! I know you can’t really unfollow your friends or family for obvious reasons, but you CAN put them on mute. You can always just go on their IG page once in awhile to throw them a like if you choose to, or just blame the algorithim, because that’s totally plausible!

A more advanced way to protect your space is to say no to plans and people that don’t resonate with you. I call it advanced because I find people have a hard time saying no to friends or they feel they are obligated to. Yes, there are some events that we may be obligated to go to, but for the others my rule is that if I don’t want to go, I say “no”. I know it’s harsh, but think we are all beyond saying “yes” to things and plans that we are not feeling 100% into. Time is our most valuable currency, so we should spend it wisely doing things we enjoy, that help us grow, and that make us better humans (bonus if it’s all 3 at the same time!). That last sentence applies to people too, and I want to stress that it is OK to outgrow some relationships. We are all on our own journey and there is no standard way to end a relationship, but there will be a right way for you. Trust yourself.

A go to tip/trick I’ve been using since 2018 thanks to one of Tim Ferris’ Tribe of Mentors, is to rate your potential plans on a scale of 1-10, with the one caveat of not being able to choose 7. The thought behind this is that 7 is a safe number so you are equally inclined to go either way, but if you say something is a 6, it shifts the way you view it, as well as an 8. Anytime I have still gone to something I rated 6 or below, I end up wishing I had spent my time elsewhere.

Pro-Tip: Anytime you have a hard time committing to your boundaries, just repeat to yourself “Self Care is never selfish”. Say it as many times as you need to.

Pro-Tip 2: When you are exposed to others negative energy you can clear your energy from others by doing this practice I learned from Gabby Bernstein. Simply say, “Thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion, for removing any energy I may have picked up and retrieving any energy I may have lost.” This should clear the negative energy everytime.

Pay it forward

One of the things in my life that I strive to do almost daily is to pay it forward. There is no right or wrong way to do this meaning it can be big, or it can be small. I’m sure most of you are asking, “How this is self care?”. Try it today just for fun and see how it makes you feel.

This for me, is a bigger thing and part of my life goals and purpose. I incorporate mentoring. speaking engagements, and guest lecturing into my life because I want to help the next generation. Every time I do one of these sessions I feel like I’m truly making an impact in other people’s lives and their life journey. The way I feel after is indescribable—it’s better than a natural high.

Paying it forward can also be simple and in the form of buying a homeless person a meal, volunteering, or supporting an organization or cause you feel strongly about, helping a friend (or a frenemy). Another way to pay it forward is to look at something you jotted down in you are gratitude journal and giving somebody a version of one of one of the things you are grateful for. Think of it as giving back to the universe. Remember, what you put out into the universe is what you receive.

Pro-Tip:

Paying it forward doesn’t need to be so planned out or a grand gesture—just go about your day and opportunities will pop up to help someone. You’ll know when it happens, or realize right after. Just let it flow.