Wanderwoman Diaries: Empowering Yourself
This week we visit with my friend, Diana, whom i met one cozy winter afternoon at one of my favorite cafes in Paris through our mutual American expat friends. That afternoon we learned that we were both from the Northeast, entrepreneurs and had backgrounds working in the advertising and marketing industry. Less than a year later, her husband got an amazing job opportunity in Kuala Lumpur so she and her family had to relocate. In the short time we were able to hang out in person, I discovered that she is one of the most resilient people I know, a woman of all trades (kick ass mom, author and yoga instructor to name a few!) and an adventurous spirit, who was always up for something new, which truly resonated with me. Let’s join Diana in KL and hear about her journey and how her life has changed in this covid new normal.
Name
Diana Antholis
Originally From
USA
Current Country
Malaysia
How many countries have you lived in?
3
How many countries have you visited?
27
What brought you to your current country?
My husbands job
What advice would you give other women who move for their husband's career?
Have your own identity and own it. Women create new identities throughout their lives, navigating how to show up for themselves throughout major life experiences: job changes, moves, deaths, marriages, or motherhood. Moving for your partner’s job can pigeon-hole women into certain roles. Own your own identity. Work for yourself or for an organization. Join clubs or organizations. Volunteer. Do sports and join studios. Find things that you are passionate about and have an outlet.
What challenges have you experienced raising a child abroad and how do you lead a balanced life?
I lived the first half of expat life in Paris without a child. For two and a half years I was mostly on my own because my husband worked long hours. I joined a women’s entrepreneurship group, focused on transitioning my business from New York to Paris, held exercise trainings in the park, gave talks on my books, engaged in many different social activities, had “pique-niques” on the Seine, took blind dates with every other expat I met on Instagram, and eventually found some of my best friends. Workouts in the morning, lunches in the afternoon, and evenings out in local wine bars felt like a dream. I signed up for French language lessons and for the first two months of my time in Paris, I was in class nine hours per week. I felt like I was discovering the world again like a five year old, navigating even the markets with care and wonderment. Even though living in the city of lights sounds like a dream though, I struggled with adapting to the culture, was frustrated I couldn’t communicate the way I wanted, and felt like I had been stripped down to my core-trying to build myself back up again.
Once I became pregnant, everything changed. I didn’t only need to know French immigration, I needed to learn how to navigate the healthcare and maternity system. I eased my work, focusing more on online videos to create a pregnancy exercise series. I was meeting my midwife once per month, taking my French to a new level.
When my daughter was born, I stopped working and was home all the time, made new friends and lost others, became a volunteer the anglophone parents network-hosting expecting and new moms are my home, and learned a whole new Paris. When Ophelia was five months old, I started a seven-month yoga teacher training course that was one of the smartest and most insane decisions I’ve ever made. (To be fair I made this decision before birth when you really have no idea what parenting is like.) When I completed that, I taught prenatal and mommy-bébé yoga in the park. Walks every day in Jardin du Luxembourg added on a poussette (stroller/pram) and playdates in the sandboxes in the rose garden. My friends were incredible support systems and I am eternally grateful for that tribe.
Parenthood wasn’t going to hold us back from the life we envisioned as a family. Plus having family and friends in different countries means you must be flexible. We traveled every few months to the point where Ophelia is now almost four years old and she’s been on 45 flights and in nine countries. She may not have been a great sleeper at home in those early years but wow, she can travel like a pro.
Balancing life as an expat and a mother is extreme. Extreme beauty and appreciation for this lifestyle. Extreme ugliness in how to make it all work for a young child when you don’t have all the answers yourself. But when you keep an open mind and accept that life will throw your rainbows and volcanoes, it works.
The most important thing we can do as women and mothers is always find time to connect with ourselves, alone. We can become obsessed and distracted with taking care of everyone else when we need to recharge ourselves just as much.
What do you find most challenging about living in another country?
Understanding the way of life and culture and deciding how you are going to adopt it or accept it. In France, I really had to understand the culture and the language before I could feel belonging. In one day, I could feel humbled, frustrated, triumphant, and grateful. In Malaysia, we live in an expat bubble. Expats are everywhere and neighborhoods cater to them. But there are still cultural nuances that we must learn. It’s important to respect where you live, even if you don’t agree with everything.
What is your favorite thing about living in KL?
Cost of living, ease of livability, mash up of cultures, and access to beautiful places. Rent and food are much less expensive (four times less) than anywhere I’ve lived. A wide variety of foods are easy to find, delivery services are abundant, and you can negotiate what you want in certain situations. Malaysia is a mix of Malay, Chinese, and Indian cultures and the food scene is deliciously diverse. Beautiful islands and beaches are a few hours drive away or a 45-minute flight. Traveling is easy and accessible.
Least favorite?
Humidity and haze are rough. It’s averaging 32C every day, but the humidity makes it unbearable sometimes. We try to only be outside in the cool mornings (26C) or evenings. The haze season makes it impossible to breathe and you can’t be outside without your throat burning.
Is there anywhere you would chose to move to where would that be and why?
I don’t have a favorite country yet. I can’t choose one place as I like different parts of each country I’ve lived in. I would like to live in Greece one day, I am Greek-American and have a strong cultural background. Between the food, the sea, the culture, and the location, it’s top on the list.
How has the Covid-19 pandemic affected your life?
It’s been a roller coaster of emotions. I’ve felt sad, claustrophobic, and anxious. I’ve also felt free, motivated, and grateful.
I am saddened by the amount of cases and deaths and frustrated by the responses of certain countries and their citizens. With border closures, it makes it difficult to comprehend that I am so far away from my family and friends and can’t hop on a plane.
But having this time alone with my family has been a gift. Sure, it’s hard to be ON all day with a three year-old, but I also found a new motivation in my work. I became clear, confident, and determined in the evolution of my work. Confinement offered me a hard-stop from the every day routine. Having my husband home and with us (albeit continuing to work his long hours) was wonderful. Plus, he can’t travel for work anymore! This is such a gift for us to have him more often.
How do you feel your country is handling the pandemic? Do you feel safe?
Malaysia has done an excellent job controlling the spread of Covid-19. The country implemented MCO (movement control order) for two months, only allowing us outside for groceries or essential services. One person per household at a time. No one was allowed out even for a walk, not even in your own housing complex. It seemed incredibly strict at the time, but this afforded us the luxury of having the economy and lifestyle sectors open up safely, now only having single digit new cases per day. We have strict procedures to follow (wearing a mask, temperature screenings and hand sanitizers upon entry of anywhere, contact tracing registration, restrictions on capacities from pools to restaurants, and more sanitizing of spaces than ever before.) We feel safe.
Based on current travel restrictions are you happy to be where you are or do you wish you were somewhere else?
I am definitely happy to be in Malaysia for the pandemic. It feels under control and we are free to travel around Malaysia now. We are about to embark on nearly three weeks of traveling to a few different islands and resorts for much needed relaxation. Plus, school will be opening in August. Hooray!
What are your thoughts on travel right now? When do you plan on traveling? And what are your new guidelines/precautions?
Malaysia’s international borders are closed for now, so we are traveling within the country. The islands and beaches are gorgeous. Every resort follows the safety guidelines of disinfecting constantly, temperature checks, sanitizing us and our luggage, and social distancing. If you are traveling into Malaysia now, you can only do so as a Malaysian citizen. If you are any type of visa holder, you need special permission from the government. So we can exit Malaysia, but we can’t come back in. Rumors are that Covid-19 tests will be required at the country you are departing from and upon arrival in Malaysia, plus a two-week quarantine.
I don’t know when we will feel safe enough to travel internationally. Time will tell.
What inspires you?
Women who don’t stop learning and creating. I gather my inspiration from other women entrepreneurs who learn how to navigate their lives with grace and elegance amongst the chaos of being expat families.
What advice would you give to other expats?
Embrace everywhere you live and don’t compare. Focus on your identity and what makes you feel whole. Learn the culture and language for a more fulfilling and easy experience.
What is your new normal?
My new normal is extreme awareness. I am much more aware of everything we touch, how close we are to others, mask-wearing, and cleanliness.
This time alone has let me reflect on the hell yes and hell no decisions. I feel much more confident in who I am, what I want, who I want to be around, and what I tolerate. The confinement offered a reset on what’s most important to me--a deeper inner awareness.
